Why I Quit Blogging

June 13, 2018


I remember the first fashion blog I ever followed was when I was in high school. Then I started reading different fashion blogs and I have always thought of making one but I didn’t have the courage to publish one. It wasn’t until I suffered from depression in 2011 and my therapist encouraged me to do something that I would like to do, and had never done before at that point. So, then I started blogging, and blogging helped me to deal with depression.

My blog took off pretty well on a small city scale. I even started receiving free items and I had to take pictures of them to promote them online. Not long after, banner ads started coming in. Some local magazines actually interviewed me. It was pretty fun. I blogged from 2012 (when I was in high school) all the way to 2015 when I was in my university final year. I went for university abroad to the UK and Mainland China at The University of Nottingham for both my undergraduate and postgraduate degree, and was blessed with the opportunity to do a summer exchange in The University of Hong Kong. I was enjoying life at its best during university years. But then, my way of thinking started to shift.

I, who was once passionate about fashion, started to doubt the chances that I’d get in the fashion industry. I began to think that, maybe, since I already have a master’s degree, why not go all the way to do a PhD and leave fashion behind? Was I worthy enough to be in the fashion industry? And then, being an Indonesian woman in her early 20s, questions like, “So, do you have a boyfriend? Should we set you up with someone? When do you plan to get married? Shouldn’t you start preparing yourself to be a devoted wife?” started to pop out and it really made me down. Not to mention, statements like, “You know, you’re going to be expired after 25. Women are like Christmas trees – they’re on sale after the 25th were uttered by no other than my family members and closest friends. I was annoyed. Is this why I was born? To grow up and become someone's wife? That's it? I mean I would love to have a family of my own too, one day...but don't I get to make a name for myself and continue doing what I like and be a blessing for others in the process? My thoughts were all over the place.

Maybe, or maybe not, and just like any of you who’s reading this post, I had a time when I started doubting my abilities, my intelligence, my beauty, and some guys (not that they are unkind people) who were introduced to me, even said that I dream too big – with my fashion career goals, with my educational goals, and so on so forth. “Just be a normal girl…” they said. So, I stopped blogging, I even stopped styling photoshoots (even though I started styling as a hobby in the 12th grade), and worse, I started telling my professors who offered me to do a PhD in the English Linguistics department, “I don’t think I’ll be a good PhD candidate. I’m not like my other classmates. They’re much better than me.” Hell, I even made another Instagram account to avoid people seeing my blogger-like photos on my account and start judging me.

But then in 2017, I was so blessed that I had the opportunity to go for the Advanced Living Series from Milestone Trainings and met so many new people at the training center and during my master’s in China. It got me thinking, “What do I like? And what do I want to do about it?” The idea of having one job itself was already something that maybe I’d achieve but I don’t know when I’ll achieve that – but to be at this point in my life, where I get to actually have different jobs and manage them all at the same time – I am so incredibly blessed.

Today - despite whatever it is that people may say or comment about me - I’m starting the blog again, I’m styling with Niel Dimitrij’s styling team, I’m helping out Mum with her stationery and office supplies business, I’m even co-founding a skincare line with my good friend that is launching soon (there are still processes we need to go through). I can’t even believe it myself!

Well, if there’s any moral lesson that I can share with you, is that – never doubt yourself whether you are young or old, whatever your gender may be, dream…as high…as big…as much as you want because it’s free, and never give up. Try anything. Don’t be afraid. You’ll never know what you like if you don’t try. Obstacles will come, but take them as lessons to move forward and check with yourself: What’s working? What’s not working? What’s next?

I guess that’s it for this blog post. Until next time…